The critics agree: Steven Spielberg’s Hook is a classic! And, IOHO, one of the best films of all time. So why wasn’t there ever a sequel?
Well, it’s no secret that Hook had a troubled production, going way past schedule and over budget. And although it became a huge critical and commercial success, Spielberg just didn’t have it in him to direct another.
But, Mr. Spielberg, as the saying goes: time heals all wounds. We here at The Critics Agree are ready for you to dust off those tights, drink a little pixie dust, and return to Neverland!
Here’s how we see a sequel playing out: Peter Banning is now a widower, having lost his wife, Moira, to Alzheimer’s several years prior. His relationship with his children has again become strained and distant. Peter’s son, Jack, is a struggling porn star in the European underground (you know, the really gross stuff). His daughter, Maggie, has a terrible addiction to heroin or maybe meth. Peter spends most days at the local senior center, regaling its members with tales of pirates, mermaids, and lost boys (note: Kate Upton should play the mermaids).
On the night of Peter’s 80th birthday, he’s visited by his old girlfriend, Tinker Bell (Kate Upton should also play Tinker Bell). But Kate has awful news. She reveals that Captain Hook fathered a child before his death at the end of the first movie. Hook’s son, LIEUTENANT Hook — who has hooks on BOTH hands — has kidnapped Peter’s children, and is threatening to kill them unless Peter returns to Neverland to do battle with him!
Peter obviously complies, and what follows would without a doubt be the most exciting movie event the world has seen in decades! Also, we find a way for Peter to become young again, and for his wife and Rufio to come back to life, because audiences love happy endings.
So let’s see it, Stevie Baby. Let’s bring Hook 2 to theaters. You’ll be selling out shows quicker than you can say bangarang!