Apollo 14


The critics agree: given how great the movie Apollo 13 is, it’s downright shocking — appalling, even — that it never got a sequel. What’s particularly egregious is that REAL LIFE has the entire arc plotted out for us. With 17 manned Apollo missions, we not only have the opportunities for sequels, but prequels as well. We smell a franchise!

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Every great franchise starts with a great sequel that’s better than the original. And that’s why we’re pitching Apollo 14 today.

Apollo 14 would make for a great movie because, like Apollo 13, it’s based on a true story. Look at all of the great stuff that could be adapted to film, according to Wikipedia:

  • “Apollo 14 launched during heavy cloud cover, and was quickly obscured by the clouds.”
  • “The LM computer began getting an ABORT signal from a faulty switch.”
  • “The LM radar altimeter failed to lock automatically onto the Moon’s surface, depriving the navigation computer of vital information on the vehicle altitude and groundspeed.”
  • “Shepard’s first words, after stepping onto the lunar surface were, ‘And it’s been a long way, but we’re here.’” (TAGLINE!)
  • “Shepard’s moonwalking suit was the first to utilize red stripes on the arms and legs and on the top of the lunar EVA sunshade ‘hood,’ so as to allow easy identification between the commander and LM pilot on the surface.”

Wow! Houston, we have a problem: Apollo 13 suddenly seems boring!

There is one pesky obstacle: the Apollo 14 flight crew is entirely different from the Apollo 13 flight crew. But that’s easy enough to correct: we simply have to hire even bigger stars than Tom Hanks, Kevin Bacon and the other guy to play the three flight crew members. Our suggestions:

  • The Rock
  • Mark Wahlberg
  • Andy Richter

Once again, Hollywood, we have saved your butts! And done so for free! We can’t wait to see Apollo 14.

Apollo 14