A Message For Jenna

The numbers agree: Thor: The Dark World took the weekend with $38 million, and Jenna, I really regret what I said to you on Friday and I wish you’d give me another chance.

The Best Man Holiday took second place with $30 million, and speaking of excellent men, I’m a great guy, Jenna, and my actions on Friday were so unlike me, it’s like you were seeing an entirely different person.

There was a large gap between The Best Man Holiday and third place film Last Vegas. That gap is almost as big as the one between (a) normal me and (b) Friday me. Friday me is not me. I hope that’s clear.

Free Birds finished in fourth place, while Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa came in fifth. Also, Jenna, I never should have called our waitress at P.F. Chang’s a cunt. I didn’t mean it. And I definitely didn’t mean to call you the c-word either when you objected to what I said to our waitress.

Tune back next week to see how The Hunger Games: Catching Fire fares at the box office. And Jenna, you should tune in again to see just how good of a guy I can be! Please! I’ll take you to Cheesecake Factory if you’ll allow it.

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A Message For Jenna