Chappin’ Our Asses

chappedasslabelThe numbers agree: you know what really chaps our ass? The lack of business for Chappie this weekend.

Sure, Chappie “won” the box office. But with a paltry $13.3 million take, that’s hardly a victory. Why won’t America support good, original wi-fi?

Seriously, this film only made $5 million more than The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. That makes sense … NOT. One stars Dev Patel, and the other stars A FUCKING ROBOT.

With all due respect to Dev*, that should be no contest. It’s like pitting Wall-E against Slumdog Millionaire, or I, Robot against whatever other movies Dev Patel has been in.

Let’s all correct this next weekend and give Chappie the $50 million it deserves, OK? Because if this doesn’t get your ass chapped and motivated, I don’t know what will. It’s time to stand up and fight for the common man, America.

Believe that.

*The Newsroom is the best TV show of all-time.

Chappin’ Our Asses

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