The numbers agree: I had to spend my movie money on new tires this weekend.

Real talk, folks. How have we not developed a way to prevent potholes? Scientists can build a machine that might prove the existence of parallel universes, but keeping our highways smooth and driveable eludes us?

It’s a conspiracy, that’s what it is. Some sort of agreement between the tire companies and whoever paves our roads (the mayor?) and I’m gonna get to the bottom of it. Use the hashtag #PotholeTruth if you’d like to join my cause. Let’s flush these fuckers out, America!

Side note: do y’all think other universes have the same movies as us? Like maybe their GoodFellas stars Jack Black. Think about it.